Everything and More by Geoff Nicholson

“Some kind of corset or item of structural erotic underwear”

In Geoff Nicholson’s novel Everything and More, Charlie Mayhew leaves art school and heads for London. After 6 weeks of sleeping on a friend’s sofa, Charlie still hasn’t found “his true art form.” So he trudges off to London’s “most prestigious and most expensive department store” the world-famous Haden Brothers. Designed by an eccentric architect who disappeared after the building was completed, Haden Brothers is a replica of Bruegel’s Tower of Babel. Within its imposing, labyrinthine structure are 12 different eateries, 400 different departments, eight floors, a basement, and at the very top of the building is a penthouse suite. Arnold Haden, the only surviving Haden brother, is a total recluse–rarely leaving the all-white environment of the penthouse. If he needs anything, anything at all, he simply sends for it, and since the motto of the Haden Brothers is “everything and more”, he never has to step into the outside world. Arnold is a frightened man. Perhaps he’s frightened simply because he never goes out, or perhaps he has something to be frightened about. Just what is the meaning of the mysterious message “Hamnet was here” scrawled across the shop windows, and why does one of Arnold Haden’s best employees, Vita Carlisle, a member of the elite Flying Squad, strap herself with dynamic and hold Arnold hostage?

Geoff Nicholson’s hilarious novel explores the mysteries of Haden Brothers through a narrative constructed mainly of the viewpoints of various employees. Derek Snell is the number two man at Haden Brothers. Snell runs Haden Brothers from his dingy little office and likes to take Polaroid photos of the female employees. Snell is vaguely disturbing–”no fashion victim, or at least he had been victimized in about 1975 and had never fully recovered.”

Most of the employees loathe Haden Brothers, and they certainly can’t afford to shop there. It’s a place that supplies “so-called luxury goods to a crowd of indiscriminating, soulless consumers.” The atmosphere amongst the underpaid employees is unhealthy. When Charlie is employed, he is immediately relegated to the lowly position of furniture porter, and here he meets Anton Heath. Anton tries to agitate the staff into subversive activities, and he’s fine-tuned his skill of not working into an art form. Anton is convinced that the music piped through the Haden Brothers’ speakers contains subliminal messages, which brainwashes customers into buying useless junk they don’t need. Anton’s reaction is to fight back against the management by creating “little pools of anarchy” and to encourage fellow employees to indulge in a little proletariat reclamation.

It’s the job of Ray Chalmers, Head of Internal Security, to monitor shoplifting and employee behavior. To him, life at Haden Brothers is uncannily similar to his time in Vietnam. He sees Haden Brothers as “a jungle” with employees “who’ve abandoned discipline and gone native.” While Chalmers is always on the lookout for subversives, he’s also incredibly suspicious of Vita Carlisle. She’s just a little too perfect, and she “appeared to be a tame, sanitized version of a human being.”

If you’ve ever read a Geoff Nicholson novel, you will know that this writer’s forte is obsession. In Everything and More the main characters are all obsessed with something. Revenge, smells, shopping, and regrets are just some of the obsessions that plague the quirky characters who haunt the floors of Haden Brothers. And these obsessions converge and create a highly original, funny and satisfying novel. Nicholson is a skilled writer who can manipulate multiple characters and a complicated plot while never losing control of the narrative. Nicholson’s description of the complaints department–complete with toga-clad attendants, a carp pool, and parakeets–is sheer brilliance.