Becoming Strangers by Louise Dean

“Look, I’m not the sort who goes around shagging willy-nilly like that.”

After finishing The Tartar Steppe, I needed a complete change of pace–preferably something funny. I stood there staring at my overcrowded shelves and then I saw Becoming Strangers by Louise Dean. I’d bought this book after reading a glowing review of Dean’s latest book, The Old Romantic at A Common Reader. The cover looked promising–two deck chairs (not exactly positioned to indicate compatibility) on the beach. Surely I told myself, Becoming Strangers would be light and funny, right?

Becoming Strangers has its light, funny sections (mostly mined from scenes of marriage and adultery), but it’s also about death and dying. The first few pages reveal Jan–a Belgium man in his 50s whose six-year battle with cancer has reached its final lap. He’s been told it’s inoperable (it has spread to his liver and pancreas), and that nothing more can be done. In a sombre scene, his two adult sons arrive with tickets for Jan and his wife, Annemieke to an expensive, Caribbean resort. “This was going to be their last holiday.” That simple short sentence made a depressing impact, and on that note, I went to bed.

Well so much for light and funny.

The next day brought a flush of optimism and the memory of how much Tom at A Common Reader enjoyed Dean’s other novel, so I picked up Becoming Strangers once again and was very glad I did. Dean’s novel is funny, yet sad & serious–a powerful combination which offers an unusual look at marriage’s till-death-do-us-part phase.

The main character is Jan–a man whose life hasn’t been easy for the past few years, but there’s one thing that’s served him well through illness and operation after operation, and that’s his belief that “good manners” go a long way. He treats everyone with the same degree of courtesy–from his appalling wife, Annemieke, to his concerned doctors and his dutiful sons–they all get the same treatment. This polite distancing is how Jan deals with his imminent death, but no one seems to notice that this is Jan’s coping mechanism–a buoy that enables him to float (with the help of morphine) through the last few months.

Unfortunately Jan isn’t treated with the same courtesy he extends to others. The main culprit here is Annemieke–a woman who at 49 is bursting with life and health and who is fed up with waiting for her husband to die. She’s also desperate to not appear to be her age, and that includes some outrageously funny and obnoxious sexual behaviour. Normally, a “last holiday” would be filled with poignancy and sadness, but when Jan and Annemieke land at the resort, she hits the ground running:

“She was going to have a holiday that suited her. She would make the most of the spa. Her own health deserved some attention. Hadn’t the doctors said that it’s often the carer’s well-being that gets completely neglected.”

 Annemieke has no intention of wasting time hanging out with Jan, and his feeble attempts to go sightseeing are met with nimble avoidance:

“I thought we might make an excursion, he said pleasantly. We could hire a car. Have a look round the island.”

“I’m not a sightseer, Jan,” she said, “as you know.”

She gave herself a good wash; she wanted to feel just right when she lay down on that massage couch. These indulgences were fraught in so many ways. Money and time ticking away while you tried to feel good. An indifferent masseur or beautician, an unpleasant manner, a painfully deep rub or treatment, thin towels, or the sight of herself, under bright lights in a full-length mirror–any of these could ruin it.

He was standing when she left.

“We might have lunch together” he said.

“You look after yourself, I shouldn’t want to hold you up.”

Annemieke, on a mission to prove her sexual attractiveness, prowls around the resort, and when she’s not milking her husband’s illness for sympathy, she’s showing off her breasts as often as possible. She strikes up an acquaintance with a couple of Americans, Jason and Missy while Jan is drawn to an elderly British couple, George and his wife Dorothy. Jan and George, bound to lives they don’t quite connect with, form an unlikely relationship:

“She wasn’t keen to come, the missus,” he admitted to Jan. “She’s a stay-at-home sort. She’s sitting in the room now. Blimey, we might as well be at home. She’s got her book and a cup of tea, she’s all right. I’ve always had to drag her along with me to whatever we did. She wasn’t always a homebody but she’s got worse lately, likes to sit on her arse all day; thinking she says she is, or reading,”  he raised his eyebrows and sighed. “Always seems as if she’s on the same page.”

“I suppose my wife feels the same way about me,” Jan said, finishing his drink.

“Oh yes?”

“Sure. I also like my own company.”

“I’m not sure that’s the case with the old girl. Sometimes it’s hard to get through to someone even if you’ve known them your whole life. The years seem to make it harder, as a matter of fact. Like you’ve found thousands of ways to get around them, detours, you know, road closed, follow diversion. Do you know what I mean?”

There are so many wonderful scenes in this book, and I can’t describe them all, but my favourite section occurs when Annemieke goes off with Jason and Missy on a yacht while Jan leaves with George & Dorothy, and fellow guests Laurie and born-again christian Bill Moloney. Jan’s wonderful day is contrasted with Annemieke’s experience listening to Jason waffle on with his obsession: locking people up.

 Another marvellous aspect of the novel is its characters. One of my favourites is poor beleaguered resort manager (“Total Experience Manager”), Steve Burns. While Jan opts to maintain his relationships through polite, distanced behaviour, Steve is forced to wear the same polite mask with the guests. He’s forced to walk a very thin line between keeping the guests happy and keeping his job, and the pushy American guest, Jason, treats Burns with scorn at every opportunity. As events at the resort play out, and the behaviour of the guests degenerates, Steve, who isn’t particularly likeable, finds his job increasingly difficult and repugnant at times with this load of holidaymakers:

Burns felt like a fruit, handing out leaflets, drawing pencilled circles on maps, reminding the punters of the Saturday night events they left the hotel. He’d spotted two women of a more mature persuasion, ‘Silvers’ as they called them in the business, passing comment on him from their huddled position in two cane armchairs, looking at him over their fishing expedition leaflets. He’d asked if he could help them and heard snorts of laughter as he’d walked away. He’d fucking sashayed, he was sure of it, it was the trousers, and then he’d turned around like some Butlin’s poof and told them off with a very camp, ‘now, now ladies, none of that. it was a loathsome business at times.

Holidays are peculiar things. So much is invested in making them a good experience and holidaymakers are supposed to go home with good memories along with the customary souvenirs. Holidays also have a way of highlighting problems in relationships–after all, some relationships are unravelling and forced intimacy isn’t going to help. Becoming Strangers explores the forced interactions, the relationships which grow from proximity, and the behaviour of the guests who feel unleashed far from home.

Some people may not enjoy this novel. There’s no resolution and the plot tosses together some elements that are not ‘handled’ in a traditional way–more power to Louise Dean, I say.  The sharp inner dialogues blend well with the outward behaviour of these diverse characters and the roles they’ve long tired of.

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10 Comments

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10 responses to “Becoming Strangers by Louise Dean

  1. “Holidays also have a way of highlighting problems in relationships–after all, some relationships are unravelling and forced intimacy isn’t going to help” I totally agree with that. In every day life, you don’t spend so much time with your spouse. One of the things couple dealing with difficulties in their relationship do is taking separate holidays.
    It must be the same for retirement. Suddenly you are together all day long. So if you don’t get along anymore…
    That’s a book I’ll probably like. Thanks for the idea.

  2. Once I heard a talk on the radio which mentioned the average number of minutes per day married couples talk to each other. It was staggeringly low, and the content was, apparently, usually quite mundane. Rather sad really.

    In the case of Annemieke and Jan, the holiday probably isn’t a good idea (who knows if they would have thought about it themselves, if not for intervention by their sons).

    This is a novel I really enjoyed–although if I knew about the death and dying aspects up front, I probably wouldn’t have bought it. Now I am really looking forward to Dean’s other novels.

    • I’m not surprised by what you heard on the radio. If you let marriage burry mutual courtship under the ashes of daily habits, your lover-spouse turns into a room mate. It’s the witch of Adultery’s favorite curse.

  3. Well, thanks for the references back to my review. I can see I’ll have to read this one as well now – it sounds an engrossing read and I think Ms Dean will be an author to watch in the future.

  4. I read her novel This Human Season earlier this year and found it an astonishingly powerful read — it was about the Troubles in Northern Ireland, told from two different perspectives, and it still haunts me. Highly recommended.

  5. Thanks for the tip. This novel was, I thought, unusual, and I’d like to read more of Dean’s work.

  6. This sounds excruciatingly good – I’m sure I’ve met women like Annemieke.

    BTW Why wouldn’t you have read it if you’d known it was about “death and dying up front”. Don’t you read crime!!

    I’m not sure I’ve heard of Louise Dean, or, if I have, it hasn’t stuck. I need to start making a list BUT I don’t get anywhere near 120 books a year. Wish I did.

  7. Gummie: I think you’d like this. I probably should have said that I shy away from books that focus (or have a large component) on disease. A few years ago, a book came highly recommended (my memory blocks out the title). It began with a heavily detailed account of the long-drawn out death of a character from cancer. Pages and pages. It was just too much. Since that experience I am wary because I am never quite sure just how much of the book will be dominated by the details. In the instance I mention, the details were overpowering, and in some strange way quite personal, as though the author had witnessed something very similar. It left me with the feeling that I was intruding on someone’s death.

  8. A few years back my wife and I one night wanted to watch a light hearted caper movie.

    We looked at our DVDs. “The French Connection”, one of us said, “that’s pretty light hearted isn’t it?”

    We sat down to watch it. It’s a tremendous film that I don’t hesitate to recommend. It’s not, however, remotely light hearted. Nor is it a caper movie.

    Anyway, this sounds excellent Guy. The quotes are very good indeed. One to add to my ever growing books to look out for pile.

  9. Pingback: MostlyFiction Book Reviews » THE OLD ROMANTIC by Louise Dean

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